Understanding Infant "Self-Soothing": The Importance of Attachment for Better Sleep

When a baby cries at night, many parents wonder if they should let the infant "cry it out" to learn "self-soothing". The idea that babies can independently calm themselves down and fall asleep without help is widespread. Yet, research and expert guidance show that infants are not born with the ability to self-soothe. Instead, they rely heavily on caregivers for comfort and security. Ignoring a baby’s cries can harm attachment and may lead to more sleep problems in the long run. This post explores why babies cannot self-soothe, how attachment influences sleep quality, and how gentle, supportive approaches can help your baby sleep better without any crying it out.

Hi, I’m Hailey Pechan, a postpartum doula, newborn care specialist, and infant sleep consultant based in Phoenix, Arizona. Through Beyond Bump Mamas, I support families with evidence-informed, and nurturing care during pregnancy, postpartum, and early infancy. My work centers on helping parents feel confident, rested, and supported as they navigate the realities of life with a new baby.

I blend modern infant sleep science, postpartum education, and holistic care practices to provide personalized support that honors the whole family. My approach focuses on responsive care, realistic expectations, and addressing root causes rather than quick fixes. I am a certified sleep consultant, postpartum doula and newborn care specialist, and an infant and family educator, with additional training in holistic postpartum care. You can learn more about my services and educational offerings here.

Why Babies Cannot Self-Soothe

Newborns and young infants have immature nervous systems. Their brains and emotional regulation skills are still developing, which means they cannot calm themselves down when upset. Crying is their primary way to communicate needs such as hunger, discomfort, or fear. When a baby cries, they are signaling distress and seeking reassurance.

Scientific studies show that infants depend on caregivers to regulate their emotions. The process of calming a baby involves physical contact, soothing voices, and responsive care. These interactions help the baby’s brain develop pathways that support emotional regulation over time. Without this support, babies remain overwhelmed and unable to settle on their own.

Expecting a baby to self-soothe before they are neurologically ready can cause prolonged distress. This distress may increase cortisol (stress hormone) levels, which can negatively affect brain development and emotional health.

The Role of Attachment in Infant Sleep

Attachment is the emotional bond that forms between a baby and their caregiver. Secure attachment develops when caregivers consistently respond to a baby’s needs with sensitivity and warmth. This bond creates a sense of safety and trust, which is essential for healthy emotional and physical development.

Research links secure attachment with better sleep patterns in infants and toddlers. Babies who feel safe and supported are more likely to fall asleep easily and stay asleep longer. They experience less anxiety around sleep because they trust their caregivers will be there when needed.

On the other hand, insecure attachment, which can result from neglecting a baby’s cries or inconsistent caregiving, often leads to sleep difficulties. Babies may wake frequently, have trouble settling, or develop sleep associations that require parental intervention, but without the feeling of safety.

How Supporting Attachment Improves Sleep Quality Long Term

Supporting attachment means responding promptly and lovingly to your baby’s cries and cues. This approach helps your baby learn that the world is a safe place and that their needs will be met. Over time, this builds the foundation for better sleep habits.

Here are some ways attachment support improves sleep:

• Reduces stress: When babies feel secure, their stress levels drop, making it easier to relax and fall asleep.

• Builds trust: Consistent comforting teaches babies they can rely on caregivers, reducing nighttime anxiety.

• Encourages self-regulation: With a secure base, babies gradually develop the ability to calm themselves, but only when they are developmentally ready.

  
  

Why Crying It Out Can Be Harmful

The "cry it out" method involves leaving a baby to cry for extended periods without comforting. While some parents choose this method hoping it will teach self-soothing quickly, evidence suggests it can have drawbacks:

• Increased stress: Prolonged crying raises cortisol levels, which can affect brain development.

• Weakened attachment: Ignoring cries can damage the trust between baby and caregiver.

• Sleep problems: Babies may develop more fragmented sleep and increased night waking.

• Emotional impact: Babies may feel abandoned or unsafe, which can affect their emotional well-being.

  
  

Many pediatric and child development experts recommend against letting babies cry it out, especially in the first year of life.

Addressing Root Causes of Sleep Issues Without Sleep Training

Sleep problems in infants often stem from unmet needs or discomfort rather than bad habits. Instead of forcing babies to self-soothe, it’s more effective to identify and address the root causes of sleep difficulties. These may include:

• Hunger or growth spurts

• Teething pain or illness

• Feeding or digestion issues

• Overstimulation or overtiredness

• Environmental factors like noise or temperature

• Separation anxiety or developmental milestones

  
  

A gentle sleep consulting approach focuses on understanding your baby’s unique needs and creating a supportive sleep environment. This method does not involve strict schedules or letting babies cry it out. Instead, it uses:

• Responsive settling techniques

• Establishing consistent bedtime routines

• Creating a calm and safe sleep space

• Supporting daytime feeding and naps

• Educating parents on infant sleep patterns and cues

• Adjusting sleep associations to ones that are sustainable for the family

  
  

How My Sleep Consulting Services Support Attachment and Sleep

My sleep consulting services are designed to help families improve infant sleep without any form of sleep training or crying it out. I work closely with parents to:

• Understand their baby’s individual sleep challenges

• Identify underlying causes of sleep disruptions

• Develop personalized, gentle strategies that respect the baby’s emotional needs

• Support parents in building secure attachment through responsive care

• Provide ongoing guidance and reassurance

  
  

By focusing on attachment and addressing root causes, my approach helps babies develop healthy sleep habits naturally. Families experience less stress and more restful nights without compromising the baby’s emotional well-being.

Looking for more personalized holistic sleep support?

Reach out here, I'd love to help you improve your night's rest.

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